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The-Celestial-Dragon

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After the tragic passing of my godmother earlier this month I just can't be happy for Christmas anymore. Time heals all wounds says everyone but it leaves behind scars. This scar is deeper than any I've been dealt before. I'll at least try to enjoy the holidays but it'll be very difficult to do so. I thought 2021 would've killed me mentally but 2023 destroyed me both mentally and emotionally. I highly doubt that I'll ever be the same again. I'll try to carry on for my godmother's sake but for the most part I'll be alone in doing so. Enjoy your Christmas everyone but for me this Christmas and every other Christmas from now on will be darker than darkness itself. Every mother's day, birthday and Christmas from now on I've one less present to give and one less to receive (for birthdays and Christmases) and it hurts me deeply.

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My godmother's cremation was yesterday and to say I was crying is an understatement... I was inconsolable. Even now I'm crying. For the past few days I couldn't sleep properly, couldn't eat much, couldn't stop crying, or even smile. Her loss has broken me beyond all reason. She was fun-loving, caring and selfless and thought of those she loved without fail. All the fun is gone forever as she was the only one who understood me more than my own mother. The chosen songs made me break down big time but the last one called "Jealous of the Angels" by Donna Taggart... the lyrics to the song hit me like a convoy of 18-wheelers without brakes. I know she's no longer in pain or suffering but I know I'm selfish for saying that I wished she beaten Leukemia and was still alive. I knew her all my life but the past 16 months. She never complained about fighting her illness. People say God is merciful but at this stage for me he seems sadistic but that's the pain talking. Right now I feel as if I can't go on. This past week has killed me emotionally and mentally. My life is a lot darker now as she was always the one to lift people's spirits up when they're at rock bottom. My spirit is so far below bedrock that it's never coming back. I'm a shell of my former self. It'll be like this every Christmas, every mother's day, every birthday and every year. Besides knowing she's without pain and suffering my godmother's passing brings to light how precious life really is and we all take it for granted.


Rest in peace Georgina, you fought your Leukemia like a warrior of old for 16 hard-fought months.


This is the song that truly broke me: https://youtu.be/0n67dSG35L4?si=2TMwEmT0IRqcSt_m

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A few hours ago my mother told me that my godmother passed away. She was diagnosed with Leukemia back in July 2022 but everything the doctors tried sadly failed. The news felt like a dagger was plunged through my heart many times. The last time I felt that was back in March 2015 when my aunt died. She was fun, had a great sense of humour and understood me better than my own mother. We got along great together with a lot of witty banter. Sadly all of that is gone now and I'm left without another relative that I cared so much about. I kept hoping that she'd beat that damn Leukemia but no luck and no hope. Her death has left a void that can never be filled. All I can say is that she's no longer suffering from Leukemia. Rest in peace Gina, you're free of suffering now while the rest of us mourn your loss. You'll always be missed.

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Discord help

1 min read

This is really frustrating. I restarted my computer due to updates and now my desktop version of Discord is failing to download its own updates. I've tried everything I could think of but it's still stuck on the checking for updates->downloading 1 of 6 updates->update failed-retrying in 30 seconds cycle. Any help would be appreciated but please note that I'm not a computer wiz.

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Well my cat came home from the vets on July 26th. He went for a check up on Monday July 31st and got his vaccinations up to date. He will be getting some more on August 21st. He slept in my lap for a week which killed my legs as they were stiff by the next morning. He's now eating prescription cat food to help prevent any urinary tract infection from coming back. I'm relieved to have him home and I'm happy to report that he's slowly returning to his old self again. Although I had to help the vet handle him since he was hissing at her. He calmed down the moment he heard my voice since I did raise him (and his siblings before their untimely deaths).


In other news I went for a check up for my diabetes in June and my diabetic doctor said that my blood pressure was a bit high. Wednesday I went to the hospital to get a blood pressure monitor attached to me for 24 hours and on Thursday I brought it back to the hospital. It wasn't heavy but it was awkward to say the least. I'm glad to be rid of it but now I've to wait for the results. The nurse said that someone will be in touch with me. I'm having mixed feelings about it because it could be worse but it could also be better. I blame a lot of people for it being a bit high but I also blame the past 4 years of my life since the very beginning of the pandemic (seriously the amount of time I heard the words virus, covid-19, pandemic, lockdown, etc. and if I didn't have diabetes, I would have turned it into a drinking game).


Anyway, that's all I've gotta say.

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